BLONDE ON THE SUN

Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said,

'We were the first in space!'

The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'

The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!'

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. 'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know We're going at night!'

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.'

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed;Likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?

'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'

'I thought so,' the doctor said. 'Your finger is broken.'

THE ITALIAN AFFAIR

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he offered to pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin. One day,about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

'Honey' she said, 'You received a very strange post card today.'

'Oh, please just give it to me and I'll explain it later, he said.

His wife handed him the card and watched as her husband turned white as a sheet

and fainted.On the card was written: 'Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti,

Spaghetti. Three with meatballs, two without. Send extra sauce.'

Origins of the Human Race

A little girl asked her father: "How did the human race appear?"

The father answered, "God made Adam and Eve; they had children; and so was

all mankind made." 

Two days later the girl asked her mother the same question. The mother answered,"Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved." 

The confused girl returned to her father and said, "Dad, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Mom said they developed from monkeys?" 

The father answered, "Well, Dear, it is very simple.

I told you about my side of the family, and your mother told you about hers."

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be

so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.

"The wife responded,

"Allow me to explain.

God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;

God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!